The Social Network

I knew that Rash was going to go off to college soon, but having someone else say it really made it sink in. I knew she'd have to go eventually, but I guess I had just been trying not to think about it. It was right about then that I began regretting my decision to be her professional colleague and not her friend. The second she left, whatever kind of professional relationship we had would cease to exist and we'd be perfect strangers. The thought of that saddened me, so I decided I would do something I said I would never do.

     For the longest time I had held off on joining Facebook. My antisocial nature deterred me from joining a "social" network. However, I felt that Facebook was probably the only way to stay connected with Rashaell, so I joined. But here's where things start to get complicated for me. I started friending a bunch of other people I knew (you know, because it would be friggin' weird if I only friended Rash. Also, Facebook would be rather boring when you only had one friend posting details about their food.) As I was doing this I ran across Kayla (yes, the same Kayla from before.) And as I looked at her picture I felt something. I'm not sure what exactly. I certainly didn't think that I had any remaining feelings for her, but something about her picture brought back all the memories. The silly nickname she had for me, the popcorn kernel of truth, and many more came back to me and it got me wondering if I would ever get over it.

     And that brings us back to April 17th 2013. It's prom night and I'm dancing with Erin, my first crush. As we dance, I look into her eyes and I feel. . . nothing. I realized that to truly get over someone, you have to meet the right person. After Erin, I met Kayla. After Kayla, I met Rashaell. As I contemplated these things, I realized that what I was feeling when I saw Kayla's picture was not old feeling coming back to the surface, but regret. Regret that we couldn't have stayed friends and regret that I never really got the chance to close the book with Kayla. At least with Erin and I being in the same home school group, I had the chance to move on and become her friend again, but I had no such luck with Kayla. That's when I began to wonder, "Would the same thing happen with Rashaell? In 50 years when I'm married and have a family, will I see her picture and have the same regrets?" I couldn't let that happen.