The Summer of Darkness Part IV: Angelfish

Now, let's get back to the main story. There are certain terms and phrases that I hate. I mean really hate. To the point of getting mad when people use them. Some of these phrases are: "My bad" (Seriously, it makes you sound like a cave man when you say it) "It is what it is" (Duh! Of course it is = it is. Did someone dispute that fact?) "I could care less" (So you could care less? The tone of your voice contradicts what your mouth is saying.) "Not a happy camper" (So what? Are you a happy pilgrim? Try telling us what you are rather than what you aren't. It would be easier. This isn't 20 Questions.) "A bird in the hand is two in the bush" (So what you are saying is "1 bird in hand = 2 birds in bush? I think your math is off.) "Same difference" (Is it the same or is it different? Decide already.) "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." (1 does not equal 1,000. I suggest you go back and find your mathematical mistake.) "It's always in the last place you look." (No dip, Sherlock. I usually keep looking after I find it.) And the one I hate most is the one that I am writing about today.

     "There are more fish in the sea." I hate that saying more than any other. For one, it uses fish as a metaphor for women, which is really gross because fish smell bad and I would never want to bang a fish. Also, it is probably the least helpful, lazy thing anyone can say for comfort.Your girlfriend broke up with you? There are more fish in the sea. Your wife filed for divorce? There are more fish in the sea. Really? All this time I thought there there was only one woman in the world! Thank you so much for clearing that up! Of course there are more "fish" out there, but does anyone ever stop to consider that maybe you've become attached to that "fish" and that flushing her down the toilet and getting a new one is not only hard, but doesn't fix anything?

     I first learned to hate this saying one Saturday during The Summer of Darkness. I was staying with my sister, Bailey (for what reason, I don't remember.) We were eating at potluck and I was telling her why I was feeling sad and related the story as I have to you. And what did she say? You guessed it. "There are more fish in the sea." My dad and other sister, Hope, had tried to cheer me up or offer a little advice or encouragement. It was because of this that I realized how unhelpful that phrase was.

      I tried making sense the phrase. I tried finding comfort in the words, but I couldn't get past he fact that I didn't want any of the other "fish," I wanted my fish. I didn't want a carp, a coy, a salmon, or a bass. I didn't want any of those lesser fish, I wanted my Angelfish.

     People may say, "There are more fish in the sea" with good intentions, but ultimately it is no help at all. It just comes across as insensitive and mostly lazy. That is why I hate that term and will never say it to anyone else.

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown

I'm going to take a break from the Summer of Darkness story line and write about something more seasonally appropriate. I'm going to say a few words about everyone's favorite holiday: Christmas. And I say "BAH, HUMBUG!" They call it the "most wonderful time of the year," but I call bullcrap on that one. "GASP," you say, "You Grinch! You Scrooge! How can you hate Christmas!" Well, I don't hate Christmas. I hate the effect that people's idea of Christmas has had on society. I have two main problems: one, the Christmas shopping season seems to overshadow another, more important, American holiday. And two, people have completely lost what the actual meaning of Christmas is.

     It seems lately that the official start of the Christmas shopping season, Black Friday, has become more of a holiday than Thanksgiving. Black Friday has always started early, but last year it started as early as eight o'clock on Thanksgiving night. This year it was even earlier, starting at six p.m. At six o'clock on Thanksgiving, people should be at home eating dinner with their families, not waiting in line to get a TV at 50% off. Stores should be closed on Thanksgiving so that everyone, employees included, can be with their families. My mom works at Wal-Mart and because of how early Black Friday started, she was forced to work a 12 to 9 shift. Because of that, we couldn't spend Thanksgiving together as a family.

     The two most popular holidays are Christmas and Halloween. Can someone tell me why? Thanksgiving is one of the most important holidays in our American heritage. So why is a is a holiday about (according to some people) a fat dude handing out presents and a holiday based around scaring demons away (only enjoyable to kids ages 13 and under) more popular than the holiday celebrating one of the most important moments in our history!?

     In addition, people have completely lost sight of what Christmas is about. They lie to their children about a centuries old fat guy who breaks into your house at night, steals your milk and cookies, and leaves presents behind. All while riding around in a sleigh drawn by flying reindeer. Not only is the lying bad, but it teaches kids to be selfish, greedy little snots who think of Christmas as a way to get more "stuff." Christmas isn't about getting things, it's about the act of giving! The idea of Santa Clause completely takes away the giving aspect of Christmas and replaces it with "get." In Acts chapter 20, verse 35 it says, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

     And since when was Christmas about Santa Clause anyway? I grew up being taught that Christmas was a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. The birth of the Savior who came to save us from sin! Not a day to see how many presents a fictitious fat man brought you. Linus in A Charlie Brown Christmas got it spot on.

     Christmas is about the birth of the Prince of Peace, but every year I hear of someone getting injured or killed after being trampled in the chaos of a Black Friday sale. People will go around saying that they know the true meaning of Christmas. Saying that it is the "most wonderful time of the year." Saying they want to spread peace, happiness, and joy. But they are all too willing to trample an old lady or store employee to death to get that microwave at 75% off.

     So go ahead, call me Scrooge. Just remember, at the end of the story, Scrooge knows the true meaning of Christmas. That is a lot more than could be said about a lot of people out there.

The Summer of Darkness Part III: "Guesss Whooo :P"

"Guesss whooo. :P" That was the subject line I saw when I opened up my email that night. A message from Kayla. I had given her my email address the last time I saw her. Honestly, I didn't expect her to email me after almost a week, but apparently I was wrong. It read something like this:

     "Hey! Sorry I didn't email sooner, but I got sick right after I got home last weekend. How are you?" I was so excited. I could finally keep in contact with Kayla. I wouldn't have to wait through the long periods of time between each time we saw each other.

     But as excited as I was, I was a little terrified, too. I had no idea of what to say back to her. I thought for a minute and came up with something, but as I was about to write it, I thought to myself, If I email her back right now, she might think I've just been waiting here for her email. She might think I'm clingy! So I resolved to wait a couple days to email her back. I was comfortable with that decision until I thought, Oh! Crap! If I wait to email her back, she might think I'm a jerk or something. She might think I'm trying to get back at her for not emailing me for a week. Even worse, she might think I am intentionally waiting to email her back for the precise reason I'm waiting to email her back! So then I decided to email her back right away. But, as you may have guessed, I changed my mind again and decided to wait. Then I changed my mind again. And then again. And again once more.

     This went on for a long time. It went on for a very long time. But to give you a better perspective, it went on for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, *gasps for breath* very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, *catches breath again* very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, *huff puff* very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very *GASP* very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very - even longer than it takes you to get through all these "verys" - long time. It came to the point where there was no reason in waiting to email her back, because I had already waited long enough contemplating weather I should wait or not. Unfortunately, by this time I had forgotten what I was going to say to her, so I was back to square one.

     So, after very, very, very, very (okay, sorry. I'll stop) long time of trying to remember what I was going to say, I settled on, "Hey, what's up?" And so it began, my futile attempt at wooing her via cyberspace. Little did I know, the end had already begun.

Summer of Darkness Part II: With a Little Help from My Friends

I should take a little time to introduce a few major players in the events to come. They were my neighbors and best friends. They moved the February before the Summer of Darkness into the house we were renting out. The three kids in the family would become some of the closest friends I could ever ask for. The youngest was a 7 year-old, very annoying, boy named Wyatt. I thought I wouldn't like him, but he turned out to be okay. Then there was Katie. The 11 year-old middle child. My first thought was, She's kinda hot! My second thought was, Crap, I just called an eleven-year-old hot. The oldest was around my age (15). Her name was Jessica and she was the one I was closest to.

     It was the day after I got back from the Sunnydale Youth Rally when I heard the knock at my door. It was Jess, Katie, and Wyatt wanting to know if I wanted to go outside with them. I didn't, but I thought that it might be good for me to spend some time with other people for a little bit, so I went. Apparently they could tell something was wrong, because it wasn't long before Jess asked, "You look sad. What's wrong?" I then commenced in telling her the story of the Girl in the Blue Hoodie just as I have told it to you.

     In some way that I can't remember, our conversation turned into a fight. All I remember is what follows: "I can't believe you can get so depressed over a girl you've only known for a cumulative total of three weekends!" She yelled.

     "You'd never understand!" I snapped back.

     "I wouldn't understand?! How could you say that! I had a boyfriend once that I really loved and he broke up with me! Believe me, I completely understand!"

     "You couldn't possibly understand!" I returned sharply.

     "If you say that I can't understand one more time, I'll punch you in the face!"

     "No! There is no way you can understand because you aren't me! You deal with things differently than I do and because of that, you can't possibly understand what I'm going through. I don't give a crap about some guy you had a relation ship with when you were ten! That doesn't count! How can you say you loved him? You can't even know how to love at that age! Your situation is nothing like mine! So don't pretend that you can understand. . . I don't even know why I tell you these things."

     What followed was a long silence. Then she finally said, "Because I'm - like - your best friend. . . ever."

      That was the first time anyone had ever claimed to be my best friend. I mean, I had people I considered my best friends before, but none of them had ever said that to me. I realized that she was right. She was my best friend and our friendship was too important to let a girl drive a wedge in it. I decided that I would try my best to forget my feelings for Kayla. It was a hopeless cause anyway. She lived nearly 200 miles away and she had a boyfriend. What was the point? I could spend my life miserable, pining over a girl that I had no chance with, or I could move on and enjoy my life with friends who cared about me. I chose the latter. This choice might have stuck, too. Had I not checked that email, the Summer of Darkness could have ended right then and there. But I checked my email that night, and what I found waiting in my inbox was an email from none other than Kayla herself. . .