One Day Remains

Time remaining: 7 hours



The day had come. It was August 25th and Rashaell's last day of work before heading off to college. It was my last chance to find the deal breaker before she left. I had been struggling to find something, anything that would set me free of my feelings for her, but with no luck. I had to find something before she left or I might not ever be able to get over it. The usual deal breakers didn't seem to work. I hate Country music and that is most of what she listened to, but for some reason that didn't effect anything. I am a cat lover and she hates cats, but that also didn't seem to make a difference. Those two things were almost always deal breakers for me before, but no such luck now. But what she did next made the search even harder than it was before.

     At Country Mart, the employee working at the service desk would make up a daily schedule with everyone's names on it that were working that day. It would have the first name of the employee, the position they were working, the time they were supposed to be there, and the time they were supposed to leave. For the fun of it, I had started writing "is awesome" behind my name every shift that I worked, so every day it said, "Nash is awesome." However, on that final day when I went over to write it on the schedule, I found that Rashaell had already written it behind my name. It felt like the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. I did , however, realize that this would make it nearly impossible to find a deal breaker now. If I could find one, it would have to be pretty major. My pin still in hand, I wrote, "is pretty friggin' awesome, too" behind her name.

Time remaining: 3 hours

Later that day, I asked Rash, "So, why did you choose Architecture as a college major?"

     "I always liked the introductory class I took in high school. Also, I always wanted to design my own house."

     "Well," I replied, "make sure to make it large enough for the ten kids you will have."

     "Another Catholic joke, I presume." She said.

     " You got that right. I had to throw at least one more in there before you leave."

     "Well, I'm not ever going to get married," she said, "so I won't have to worry about the kid aspect." There it was, the deal breaker I had been looking for. I have to admit, it did make me quite sad, but it was something I would never be able to get past. She never wanted to get married and finding someone to settle down with was all I ever wanted. There it was, the deal breaker.

     Just out of curiosity, I felt compelled to ask, "What makes you say that?"

     "Everyone in my church and in my family expect you to start shooting out babies the second you get married and end up having ten million kids."

     "The stereotype I just joked about."

     "Yes," she replied, "but I hate kids. So, to avoid scrutiny that is sure to come, I have just decided never to get married."

     "Does your boyfriend know this?"

     "We haven't really discussed it."

     "Well, this is going to be very hard for me to say, given that I hate his guts and he is, besides Ashlee, my worst enemy. But if I were in his place, I would want to know something like that. He may want to get married some day. It isn't fair to him for you to waste his time like that. You need to talk about this, otherwise someday he will propose to you, you will say no, and there will be nothing left between you two but bitterness."

     "And you know this, how?"

     "Partially because I'm psychic. Also, stuff like that happens on TV on a weekly basis."

Time remaining: 5 minutes

T-minus 5 minutes. 5 minutes before my shift ended and I would be forced to say goodbye to Rash. I began walking to the time clock, thinking maybe I would slip away and not even say goodbye. However, as much as I hate goodbyes, I couldn't do it. I walked back to her register. 

     "Hey," I said, but then paused. I was trying to figure out something to say. I didn't want to just say "goodbye," I wanted to say something that would stick, something profound. I wanted to give her a goodbye like you could only find in the movies. And just like that, I had the perfect goodbye. "You shouldn't let your family or church's idea of child baring dictate whether you get married or not. Someday you are going to meet someone who changes your whole idea of what marriage is. You will want nothing more than to be with that person forever. It wasn't that long ago that I too never wanted to get married, but now it's all I want."

     "So, I'm guessing you've already met that someone?"

     I looked at her for a second, then said, "Yeah, I think I have."

     Then, with a start, I realized I had been daydreaming. "Hey, what?" Rashaell asked.

     "What?" I returned.

     "You walked up here and said, 'Hey' and then proceeded to stand there looking like an idiot."

     I thought for a second, contemplating what I should say. "F*ck it," I said, "see ya."

End of part III

To be continued in part IV  

Countdown to Extinction

Time remaining: 24 days.

It's August 2nd and I'm getting ready to leave work, but first I take a short detour to say goodbye to Rashaell. "Have a good weekend," I say.

     "*phhht* fat chance," she says, "I have to work all weekend."

     "That sucks. Well, I guess I'll see you next Thursday."

     "Oh! Did you hear?" she says, "My days here are numbered."

     I know what she says is true. I have been dreading the day I have to say goodbye for weeks. "Oh?" I replied, "So you're heading off to college?"

     "Yeah. On the 25th."

     I make a sad face by pushing out my lower lip. Although the look was obviously meant to be fake, the emotion behind it was real. "Well, we'll miss you." And then I walk out.

Time remaining: 18 days.

     My arch nemesis, Ashlee, walks up. "Hey, Looser," she says.

     "Hey, Demon Spawn," I return.

     "I bet you think you're real funny, don't you."

     "Oh, I know I am. I'm the funniest damn guy you'll ever meet. You just don't know it yet."

     "You should be a stand up comedian," she says rolling her eyes.

     "I am on the weekends."

     "Bullsh*t."

     "You have no way of knowing that, now do you? By the way, that bit about you being Satan? It kills at the club every time."

     "Shut up!"

     "You started it."

     "Great! Now you made me forget what I came over here to mock you about."

     "I'm sure it'll come to you."

     "OH! I got it." She says after a while, "So, how does it feel to know that the girl you've been after for the past two years is leaving forever in a couple weeks?"

     "How do you know about that?"

     "Girls talk."

     "She told you? Why? She hates you as much as I do."

     "No, Emma did. Wait. She knows?"

     "Sort of, I told her last May."

     "Sort of?"

     "Well, she thinks I'm over it."

     "You totally aren't."

     "Yeah, but she can't ever know that."

     "Don't be so dramatic. If you aren't going to tell her, then I will." She walks away leaving me with the feeling that I had been in this situation before.

Time remaining: 6 days.

     I walk up to the register where Rashaell is working. I wait for her to have a free minute and say, "Before I leave, I just wanted to say happy birthday, Rash-e-poo." She laughs and I walk toward the door. However, before I get there, the ever annoying voice of my arch nemesis says, "Why did you call her 'Rash-e-poo?'"

     "It's a little joke," I said, "people here have been calling me 'Nash-e-poo' and my nick name for her is 'Rash,' which is basically just my name with an 'R' instead of an 'N.' So, I call her 'Rash-e-poo' as a joke."

     "Well, if you keep calling her that, her boyfriend is likely to get mad and beat you up."

     "He's only 4' 2'', so I'm not too intimidated. Also, his face looks like that of an ape, so it's not like I can mess it up any more if I end up beating him up if he attacks me, because like I said before, he's a little midget ape man."

     "Hey, my birthday today." She began indignantly, "Her's was yesterday. Why haven't you wished me a happy birthday yet?"

     "You mean you didn't get the flaming bag of dog crap I left for you? It even had a card."

     "Funny."

     "Thank you."

     "You know," she said mischievously, "I have a great gift for Rashaell. But you can't tell. . ." she leans over, "it's a secret, if you know what I mean."

     "I swear, Ashlee, if you speak a word to her of what we talked about last week, I will kick you so hard you'll be singing soprano."

     "First off, I'm a woman. Also, the joke's on you, because it was two weeks ago that we talked."

     "A week-and-a-half."

     "That's still not last week." She said, "Anyway, why is it so important that she not know?"

     "Because I don't want to like her the way I do. I thought that telling her might help, but it only made the problem worse. I can't let her leave here before I am over this, otherwise I may never get over it. That's why this week I have to find something about her that is a total deal breaker to me."

     "Well, I know she likes Country music and hates cats. Don't you love cat's and hate Country music?"

     "I've already tried that angle. Usually that would be a total deal breaker, but for some reason, it didn't matter that much."

     "Have you ever considered that she might be your soul mate?"

     "Since when do you believe in soul mates?"

     "True. If it is that important, I won't say anything."

     "Thanks." I finally began walking out the door, but before I did, I turned around. "Hey, Ash," I said, "happy birthday."

One Day Remains. . .

Business as Usual

I was dreading work on May 31, 2013. The day before I had told Rashaell how I felt about her and now I had to work with her again. Admittedly, it wasn't my brightest plan to tell her when I did, but I was afraid I would chicken out if I waited much longer. I was seriously considering calling in sick to work that day, but I went anyway. I couldn't just use my courage once and put it back on the shelf like a ball glove. I needed to break it in, use it more.

     I braced myself for the most awkward day of work ever. On a side note, how awkward is the word
"awkward" anyway? It feels awkward coming off your lips, it's awkward to type, it's just an awkward word all the way around. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so I was bracing myself for a weird day. Another side note: "weird" is kind of weird word as well. Not only is it kind of weird to say, but it violates the "I before E except after C" rule. "Their" does that, too. And while I'm at it, what's up with the word "lisp?" Did whoever made up that word want people with lisps not to be able to say what they have? Along the same lines, I think they should spell "dyslexia," sexdyslia so that dyslexics can know what they have. Also saying "dyslexia" is probably hard for people with lisps. So, what was I talking about? Crap! Now I have to read the last paragraph all over again. . . *reading* *reading* *reading* Oh yeah, so I was getting ready for the sure awkwardness to come (by the way, did I mention how awkward the word "awkward is?)

     Luckily, our shifts only overlapped for one hour, but I was expecting it to be the most uncomfortable hour of my life. But here's the kicker: It wasn't. Admittedly, at first I felt a bit awkward. I didn't even say anything to her for about 5 minutes. But after a little bit, she said,"So, how's you're day?"

     To this day, I don't know why I said this, but I said, "Have you ever noticed how awkward the word "awkward" is?"

     "Do you think this is awkward?" She asked.

     "A little." I admitted.

     "It's only awkward if you let it." I couldn't help but think about how well she was taking the whole thing. She didn't even skip a beat. It was business as usual for her. For some strange reason, she was still making an effort to be my friend. If it had been any other girl I knew, she would have run for the hills, shut me out, or mocked me. I did feel a little sad being in the "friend zone" but I had made it clear that I was not looking for anything more and that I just wanted to move on. However, the way she was handling the while situation made me like her even more. My whole plan had backfired. I was now in a deeper hole than I was at the start. "Besides," she continued, "you only told me so that you could move on anyway. It's not like you still harbor feelings for me or anything, right?"

     "Yeah," I chuckled nervously, "right." CRAP!

Dare You to Move

Now was the time. It was time to finally face the fears and insecurities that had followed me ever since I was thirteen. Five years of cowardice was going to come to an end. I was finally going to tell a girl how I felt. I had it all planned out. Rash and I were working the same shift on Thursday, May 30th. The plan was to tell her as we both left the building (as to avoid having to tell her around anybody else.) The plan was set and ready to go, however I naturally still felt uneasy. I knew I had to go through with the plan because several other people already knew about my plan, and the only thing I fear more than women is looking like a coward.

     Even with this motivation, I still didn't trust myself to go through with my plan, so I came up with a plan B. The night before, I wrote up a note on the computer (because my penmanship is on par with that of a three-year-old.) If I happened to lose face and chicken out, I would just hand her the note. It wasn't the best plan, but I needed a backup.

     Eventually the day came, and with it also came anxiety like none I had ever experienced before. I was able to keep myself in check for the majority of the time, but as zero hour drew nearer my panic became harder to conceal. It got to the point to where I had to retreat to the bathroom to compose myself. Rashaell began to pick up on this. "Are you okay?" she asked.

     "Peachy," I said, "why?"

     "Well, you seem really distracted, you look really pale, your eye keeps twitching, and when I handed you that last item, I felt your hand and it was ice cold."

     "Never felt better." I said.

     At last, the shift ended. She was a little late clocking out, so I just waited by the door. It was probably only about 2 minutes that I waited, but each second seemed like an eternity. It was the longest two minutes I have ever been through. At that moment I could think of a million unpleasant things I would rather be doing than waiting through those two minutes in hell. Root canals, Chinese water torture, taking a bath with a cat, and shoving bamboo chutes under my fingernails were just a few of them. I was almost ready to call it all off and leave, but just as I was getting up, Rash walked out.

     "Hey, Rash," I said, "hold on, I need to tell you something."

     "Yes?" She replied.

     For a few seconds, I just stood there. I couldn't get any words out. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open looking like an idiot. I could feel my hand reaching into my pocket for the note, but then I remembered something. I was repeating exactly what I did with Erin, and just look what that did to my confidence. It was because of that experience that I was now afraid to talk to women. I couldn't let my hand retrieve that letter. I finally just said it: "Rash, I have something to say and I ask that you don't interrupt until I am finished."

     "Okay," she said, "oops! Sorry, go ahead."

     "Look, ever since you started here a year-and-a-half ago, I've had this. . ." Here it was. Once I said this, it would easier to say the rest. "crush on you. This. . . infatuation. I tried to tell you several times, I even tried to ask you out, but I was too afraid. I kept telling myself that the reason I never told you was because I didn't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation or I didn't want ruin our friendship. But that excuse won't work anymore because you're leaving soon, and I'll probably never see you again. Whatever friendship we have will cease to exist.
     "But I want to be perfectly clear. I am in no way telling you this to steal you. I'm not trying to win your heart. I'm telling this because I need to. I need to have closure so I can move on with my life. So that one day, maybe I could have a healthy relationship. I'm telling you this because twenty years down the road, when I'm married and have a family of my own, I don't want to run across your picture hand have regrets. I need to know that I tried and failed, rather than failed to try."

     We stood there in silence for a few seconds. It was horrible and awkward. But she didn't look like she felt awkward. Then I realized that I had told her not to interrupt and she might be thinking that I am pausing, looking for words. So I made it clear that I was done by saying, "I've gotta go. Goodbye." And with that I walked to my car and drove home.