Countdown to Extinction

Time remaining: 24 days.

It's August 2nd and I'm getting ready to leave work, but first I take a short detour to say goodbye to Rashaell. "Have a good weekend," I say.

     "*phhht* fat chance," she says, "I have to work all weekend."

     "That sucks. Well, I guess I'll see you next Thursday."

     "Oh! Did you hear?" she says, "My days here are numbered."

     I know what she says is true. I have been dreading the day I have to say goodbye for weeks. "Oh?" I replied, "So you're heading off to college?"

     "Yeah. On the 25th."

     I make a sad face by pushing out my lower lip. Although the look was obviously meant to be fake, the emotion behind it was real. "Well, we'll miss you." And then I walk out.

Time remaining: 18 days.

     My arch nemesis, Ashlee, walks up. "Hey, Looser," she says.

     "Hey, Demon Spawn," I return.

     "I bet you think you're real funny, don't you."

     "Oh, I know I am. I'm the funniest damn guy you'll ever meet. You just don't know it yet."

     "You should be a stand up comedian," she says rolling her eyes.

     "I am on the weekends."

     "Bullsh*t."

     "You have no way of knowing that, now do you? By the way, that bit about you being Satan? It kills at the club every time."

     "Shut up!"

     "You started it."

     "Great! Now you made me forget what I came over here to mock you about."

     "I'm sure it'll come to you."

     "OH! I got it." She says after a while, "So, how does it feel to know that the girl you've been after for the past two years is leaving forever in a couple weeks?"

     "How do you know about that?"

     "Girls talk."

     "She told you? Why? She hates you as much as I do."

     "No, Emma did. Wait. She knows?"

     "Sort of, I told her last May."

     "Sort of?"

     "Well, she thinks I'm over it."

     "You totally aren't."

     "Yeah, but she can't ever know that."

     "Don't be so dramatic. If you aren't going to tell her, then I will." She walks away leaving me with the feeling that I had been in this situation before.

Time remaining: 6 days.

     I walk up to the register where Rashaell is working. I wait for her to have a free minute and say, "Before I leave, I just wanted to say happy birthday, Rash-e-poo." She laughs and I walk toward the door. However, before I get there, the ever annoying voice of my arch nemesis says, "Why did you call her 'Rash-e-poo?'"

     "It's a little joke," I said, "people here have been calling me 'Nash-e-poo' and my nick name for her is 'Rash,' which is basically just my name with an 'R' instead of an 'N.' So, I call her 'Rash-e-poo' as a joke."

     "Well, if you keep calling her that, her boyfriend is likely to get mad and beat you up."

     "He's only 4' 2'', so I'm not too intimidated. Also, his face looks like that of an ape, so it's not like I can mess it up any more if I end up beating him up if he attacks me, because like I said before, he's a little midget ape man."

     "Hey, my birthday today." She began indignantly, "Her's was yesterday. Why haven't you wished me a happy birthday yet?"

     "You mean you didn't get the flaming bag of dog crap I left for you? It even had a card."

     "Funny."

     "Thank you."

     "You know," she said mischievously, "I have a great gift for Rashaell. But you can't tell. . ." she leans over, "it's a secret, if you know what I mean."

     "I swear, Ashlee, if you speak a word to her of what we talked about last week, I will kick you so hard you'll be singing soprano."

     "First off, I'm a woman. Also, the joke's on you, because it was two weeks ago that we talked."

     "A week-and-a-half."

     "That's still not last week." She said, "Anyway, why is it so important that she not know?"

     "Because I don't want to like her the way I do. I thought that telling her might help, but it only made the problem worse. I can't let her leave here before I am over this, otherwise I may never get over it. That's why this week I have to find something about her that is a total deal breaker to me."

     "Well, I know she likes Country music and hates cats. Don't you love cat's and hate Country music?"

     "I've already tried that angle. Usually that would be a total deal breaker, but for some reason, it didn't matter that much."

     "Have you ever considered that she might be your soul mate?"

     "Since when do you believe in soul mates?"

     "True. If it is that important, I won't say anything."

     "Thanks." I finally began walking out the door, but before I did, I turned around. "Hey, Ash," I said, "happy birthday."

One Day Remains. . .