I'm The Crazy Uncle Everybody Warns You About. . .

Welcome back to the story of how I met your ex-girlfriend. And what better way is there to continue the story, but by going back to the beginning:

     In the late summer of 1994, I was born. Ever since then I have been chasing after girls. . . Well, maybe that's going back a bit too far. In all actuality, my quest officially began three months ago when something very big impacted the lives of our family. My sister had a baby.

     Let me preface this blog post by saying, I don't like little kids. I hate them more than Red Necks hate Gays. I hate them more than Robin Scherbatsky hates kids (Hey, what did you expect, this is called How I Met Your Ex-Girlfriend, of course I'd make a How I Met Your Mother reference). So it was no surprise that when my sister told me she was pregnant, I was more excited to have the title "Uncle" than to actually be an uncle. She even made me a T-shirt that said "World's Greatest Uncle" on it. As cool as that was, the idea of a little nephew or niece freaked me out. Of course, I was sure I would get used to it and even learn to love my little niece or nephew, but at the time all I could think was, "Gross, my sister had sex."

     My sister +Bailey Mills - author of the Geeky, Artsy, Mommy blog - had her baby daughter in April of 2013. The first time I saw my little niece was the first time I'd seen a human that tiny. It was a moment of disbelief for me. All I could think of when I saw her was, "My sister made that lizard?!"

     About two weeks later I saw little Jelly Bean again and held her for the first time. I was freaked out and looked like a deer in the headlights.                                                                                             

     As scary as it was, it got me thinking. What am I doing with my life? Both my sisters were married by the time they were in there 20's and here I am at 18 and I haven't ever had a girlfriend. All I do is go to work 3 days a week and do nothing on the other days. I don't want to end up a crazy cat dude (even though I would love nothing more than to have a bunch of cats). So I decided that I was going to find a woman. I was officially on my quest to find your ex-girlfriend.

     Don't worry, I did warm up to Jelly Bean a little, but I still get really mad when her mom wipes her drool on my or arm changes her diaper on my bed (I mean really? Pad or no pad, that's disgusting). And that is the story of how my niece sent me on my quest.